A conversation with Nicolas Cage
Nicolas Cage
Nicolas Cage born January 7th, 1964 (Capricorn)
In his recondite cavern Nicolas Cage is incessantly searching a way to develop ducks with 4 legs (pixabay photo)

What's the most uncanny nightmare that you remember?
Not actually a dream: I found myself alone in a bare gloomy place. A nasty stench in the air. Then I realized I got plastered at a rerun of "Jaws: The Revenge" in a murky cinema near Tucson.

If you’re at karaoke, what’s your song of choice?
I can win a contest singing "I Never Loved a Man" by Aretha Franklin.

Are you allergic to anything?
I have a little intolerance to asbestos, liars and gnus.

If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
Probably HAL 9000.

With all due respect, you know that that's not a real person, don't you?
I need to call my agent.

Do people scream your name and applaud everywhere you go?
Absolutely! I'm like a medicine, a legit one, for most of the people. I make no distinction: I'm known to gladden illustrious Oscar award winners and ordinary accountants in the same way. It's nice to know that there are at least 13 parks with my statue in two different countries, not counting Liechtenstein and Loompaland, which I'm not sure are actually countries.

Have you made plans for the New Year?
Actually, there is a complicate story regarding the estate of my once removed late uncle from Slovenia, and so to simplify things I will be forced to change my name, and next year I will be compelled to use the name "Nicolas Cige".

Nicolas, are you superstitious?
But of course! I use to spit on my elbow before a critical occasion. Obviously not today.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Nicolas Cage's home telephone number :
4904930134 8125270544 8434342937 784645574 5367593474 6183056067 9752357853 8616980995 7083688552 624365270 383893929 6967979546 975679943 3532096109 7530858324 2522743591 661602528 958207277 6516208624 4077476463
To be frank, my chief had set up my little talk with Nicolas Cage weeks beforehand. Regrettably, my pet jackal got peritonitis, so I had to skip the conversation. So, this web page is mainly the impression of a nightmare I had after a heavy dinner of beans and liver pâté.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.