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A conversation with Nicolas Cage
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Nicolas Cage
Nicolas Cage born January 7th, 1964 (Capricorn)
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Probably you don't know that the first time he was behind the wheel of his hybrid sedan, Nicolas Cage collided with a vagrant bear, with little consequences for both (pixabay photo)

Who were you in your first school play?
It was rather humiliating. It was a play on the life of Isaac Asimov. I played Doctor Who until somebody got smart.

Do people yell your name and follow you everywhere you go?
Yup! People love me so much. I really make no distinction as to gender or occupation: I move renowned neurosurgeons and featureless housewives in the same fashion. It's nice to know that there are 16 avenues with my name in three different countries, not counting Bangistan and Uzbekistan.

Should you give up acting, which occupation would you like to pick up?
Probably that of earthworms breeder, since I already have some experience in that field.

Do you know Evelyn N. Lopez (a former educational psychologist, now a stonemason) from Worcester?
No, I don't, but my uncle has been betrothed to her for 5 weeks. Then there was some commotion about the strange suicide of a former lover, so their engagement came to a sudden conclusion.

Our world seems prone to the problem of relentless violence and criminality. What would Nicolas Cage do?
I think we can get inspiration criminality management from past films, like "Hunger Games" and "Equilibrium".

If you could choose a someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
Without doubt Dracula.

Could you improvise a lyric for us.
Yup! Here it is

The horse of agony
The uncanny horse of agony
rushes on the misty plains of emptiness
as I stare at the insanity of my planet.
If only it had been the pig of agony
I could have bacon at least.

Are you aware of the rumors about you and the zebra appearing in your last movie?
Piffle! How did you find out!? I plead to the Fifth Amendment.

There is no possibility any of these is Nicolas Cage's private telephone number :
3103843475 7906341153 922056820 3314923370 2019304098 2593450007 8614355512 602033058 5911244214 2100145228 6268609960 436706661 5480650097 3545572496 2684087108 257478837 8362576988 582683200 9904818337 6877944186
I patiently dawdled for years for an occasion to have a short talk with Nicolas Cage. The resulting transcription was mind-boggling, like it was written by the ghost of Emily Dickinson under the effects of unhealthy beverages. So, it was highly unfortunate, to put it mildly, that my uncle Timothy set my only copy on fire! After I showed vital signs again, I struggled to recollect those magnificent words. Actually, to be honest, I'm not really sure this web page contains a perfectly accurate run-down of what transpired during our appointment, and now I'm starting to ask myself if it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.