Norman, you are always so strapping. How do you do that?
I have devised the Blue Diet: in January I eat only blue foods, like blueberries, blue corn, robin's eggs and blue jays died by natural causes.
Which brand of toilet paper do you use?
I can tell you that I have my own brand. My personal toilet paper is obtained from the fibers of Desmocyphevaria balsamea, an almost extinct shrub native of Costa Rica.
Do you know any good hangover cures?
Jawohl! Here it is my instant remedy. In case of need mix two parts of rum, one part of coffee and some Tabasco sauce. Apply the resulting concoction on your wrists and your chin.
Do you like to cook?
To be honest, I think that cooking food is a waste of energy, since there are supporters and fast food joints willing to deliver my daily RDA of carbohydrates and sugars. The few times I oblige to cook for my buddies, I like to invent salads. My all time favorite is a mix of beef jerk and bean sprouts, which I think can be fine for both vegetarians and normal people.
Could you share the recipe?
Aye! You take the beef jerk and the bean sprouts and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some Italian focaccia.
Do not mind, I obtained the recipe from one for a sandwich. So you make those sandwiches, then you discard the bread and mix beef jerk and bean sprouts with some Worcestershire sauce and voilà, there it is!
Your line of work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To strengthen my soul, I periodically sleep on a mattress made of rusty barbed wire generously dusted with chili.
How is your relationship with movie directors?
I don't have issues with them, provided that they venerate me like all other people.
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