An interview with Paolo Conte
Paolo Conte
Paolo Conte born January 6th, 1937 (Capricorn)
The usual appearance of his devotees (pixabay photo)

Could you refute the hearsay about the heist of the Kraken photos?
Humanity can't stand the truth!

Do you ever Google yourself?
Say every two hours. But lately Google says "Including results for Paolo Cante", who supposedly is a retired photographer from San Francisco. That's quite annoying, but not as much heartbreaking as finding that according to Bing my name sounds like a horrible obscenity in Yiddish.

What is the most uncanny nightmare you have ever had?
Not really a dream: I was in a deserted gloomy space. A nasty taste in my mouth. Then I remembered I got plastered at a screening of "My Boyfriend's Back" in a faded movie house near Dallas.

If you’re at karaoke, what’s your song of choice?
My true love is Beethoven.

Your line of work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To toughen my character, I often meditate on a hammock made of rough sandpaper and rusty barbed wire liberally dusted with vinegar.

Which brand of toilet paper do you use?
Common brands are for common people. My personal hand-made toilet paper is obtained from the petals of Onocistapa polygama, an elusive parasitic orchid which grows only in Borneo.

Are you superstitious?
Will do! I never wear purple and black cloths together right before a significant occasion. Obviously not today.

If there was a movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
It's a no-brainer: Stephen Amell, since we were in the same scout troop (go Webworms!) when we had more time on our hands.

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Paolo Conte's private telephone number :
9650882361 421313247 423462712 2346376270 2279428307 9746195467 432996670 3389341870 5298406270 415557842 914372885 9099555205 5420710394 6173299918 9523809750 225933399 3731988748 2590967223 593360967 9984908885
Let's face it, vips are very frantic people. It's not easy for them to find the time for an interview. So we decided to leave Paolo Conte alone and to obtain the interview above without disturbing him. Thus, this web page is an a psychic transcription we obtained via a certified telepath.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.