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A conversation with Patrick Schwarzenegger
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Patrick Schwarzenegger
Patrick Schwarzenegger born September 18th, 1993 (Virgo)
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In the month of December Patrick Schwarzenegger eats exclusively blue foods, like blueberries, robin's eggs, blue corn and the so-called Smurf hash, whose recipe is a creepy mystery we prefer to leave surrounded by its riddle (source)

Patrick, what's your favorite vice?
I pretend to listen when people talk to me. Well, perhaps you are going to blame me for that. Fortunately another vice of mine is I couldn't care less.

Are you aware of the rumors about you and the boxcar appearing in your last movie?
I'm going to repeat it for the last time: I was never near that boxcar.

Which is your favorite karaoke song?
My real love is Bach.

In a letter printed on Russian Epistemologic Studies, dr. Thomas K. Wright has observed that your movies are "a dramatic summary of latest contextual operationalism". Any comment?
Well, I think that in his interesting article published on Annals of Psychiatrical Inquiry, prof. Brian Wilson totally rebuked that implausible point of view.

Do people scream your name and applaud everywhere you go?
Exactamundo! I'm the best thing since sliced bread. My strength is that I'm universal: I'm known to move successful tycoons and unhappy accountants in the same manner. Say, there are 15 streets with my name in three different countries, not counting Glubbdubdrib and Botswana, which I'm not sure are actually countries.

Have you ever had a supernatural experience?
Most of the times I consume super-natural eco-friendly products, because I do pay attention to my beauty and my followers. For example, this week I have an obsession for kale chips and dried jellyfish, both very tasty on BBQ brisket.

What do you think about the next Oscar shitstorm?
To be frank, this is a minefield.

When you were a little boy, did you see yourself as a professional actor?
All right! Even though it actually was my second choice. First one was king of Nicaragua. Or maybe IT clerk, I could never decide.

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Patrick Schwarzenegger's secret telephone number is listed here :
6781017185 5100270063 2574205209 4095566564 706373007 676405403 3850249936 3966970367 6562434693 2975942408 8548479428 8477783394 771074351 291623084 6456449354 5773810939 3533188174 7153512160 3936232981 8587193362
I planned a brief conversation with Patrick Schwarzenegger for months. The resulting transcription was wondrous, like "One Hundred Years of Solitude" rewritten by Flash Gordon. So, it was damaging that my ferret set my only copy on fire! After I emerged from coma, I made an attempt to recollect those magnificent words. So, to be aboveboard here: I'm not so sure this web page is an entirely genuine run-down of our rendezvous, and so I'm starting to ask myself if it ever happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.