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A talk with Penélope Cruz
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Penélope Cruz
Penélope Cruz born April 28th, 1974 (Taurus)
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The favored hobby of Penélope Cruz is collecting and trading dummies (pixabay photo)

Penélope, do you have something to say to your youngest fans?
Yep! Modern research has made clear that sniffing glue like a vacuum cleaner may have uncool consequences, like loss of appetite or death. But fear no more! Buy "Penélope's shield", now with Afrospora ternata tincture. Just $19.99 for 100 tablets, only in the best Bulgarian groceries (Disclaimer : Not actually a cure. It usually may cause loss of nostrils or induce suicide. Sodium-free. It may contain traces of corn and coal).

Do you know any good hangover cures?
Yes, here it is my guaranteed remedy. In case of drunkness mix three parts of vodka, two parts of energy drink and some soy sauce. Apply the resulting brew on your arms and your wrists.

What’s the best sound in the world?
It is the placid sound of a roll of new banknotes touching each other. But please, write instead something more fashionable, for example "the calming purr of a pleased kitten" or "the first word of your child".

Where do you go when you die?
I think that usually the deceased have the propensity to sit tight.

Our society seems exposed to unstoppable criminality and violence. What would Penélope Cruz do?
You know, I'm sure that assigning a hired gun to every citizen would solve many issues, but most politicians are close-fisted fossil blokes.

Penélope, you are always in fine fettle. Which is your secret?
I have embraced the Blue Diet: during the month of July I eat exclusively blue foods, like blueberries, blue crabs, blue Smarties and blue jays died by natural causes.

Do you like to cook?
To be honest, I believe that cooking is a waste of energy, since there are fans and fast food joints more than willing to provide my daily intake of fats and vitamines. In the few occasions I have to cook for my buddies, I like to invent salads. My masterpiece is a mix of salami and quinoa, which I assume can accomodate both vegans and normal people.

Interesting! Could you share the recipe?
By all means! You take the salami and the quinoa and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some French rolls.

Sandwiches?
Do not mind, I derived the recipe from one for a sandwich. So you make those sandwiches, then you cast off the bread and mix salami and quinoa with some buttermilk and you are done!

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Penélope Cruz's private telephone number :
4294678406 365655943 8097096130 990792692 7201821051 4161363949 3628011814 889924360 8022980322 4150739407 6405065372 7373464487 9103754375 6422472694 920859548 6805392664 5233789628 7733369454 9607297098 287646808
Clearly, vips are frantic people. It's difficult for them to fix a meeting for an interview. So we decided to leave Penélope Cruz alone and we obtained the interview above without disturbing her. Hence, this web page is an an algorithmic transcription we obtained via a computer we fed with all the available info about Penélope.
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Rachel Bilson Kristen Connolly Owen Wilson Ryan Hurst Andrea Osvárt Odeya Rush Selena Gomez Sarah Shahi Alicia Keys Paul Wesley AnnaSophia Robb Michael Sheen Phil Collins Susan Sarandon Michelle Trachtenberg Josh Gad John Hiatt Robert Redford Alexandra Burke
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.