An interview with Petula Clark
Petula Clark
Petula Clark born November 15th, 1932 (Scorpio)
Petula Clark is currently put in writing her unauthorized autobiography, a monumental work soon to be released in daily instalments. (pixabay photo)

What would Petula Clark do to solve the problem of violence and criminality that is threatening our society?
You know, I'm sure that assigning a bodyguard to every person would fix many problems, but most lawmakers are close-fisted old chaps.

What do you think about president Donald Trump?
You are just a bit naughty, but I assured my cat I would not talk dirty in public again, so I'd pretend I did not hear the question.

If I may ask, do you have any particular fear?
I have acquired an irrational fear for venetian blinds, because of a strange accident happened to my cousin. I'm also terrified by tigers, but that is quite normal.

Your zodiac sign is Scorpio. Are you a typical Scorpio?
I guess! I'm cordial, somehow lethargic, irresolute and accommodating. My relatives say that I'm also a bit contradictory but that I think it is usual in artists.

Petula, where will you go on your next vacation?
For my next holiday I rented a fashionable manor on the secretive hills of Qumar. The only difficulty was making a payment in bitcoins to the good-natured realtor from Nigeria that contacted me about business.

Who are your heroes?
Henry (the less-known cousin of Nicolaus Copernicus), Sarah Connor, and myself.

Petula, you are well known for your bizarre requests when staying in hotels. Can you explain us why and maybe make an example of something you usually ask?
Petula needs what Petula needs, and she always gets it. Whether it's absinthe-infused chamomile-tea bags or chili cotton-candy.

Petula, you seem to be always so lively and full of life. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to confess it, but I do. Each and every one has a dark side. Sometimes, when I face a colleague, I tremble with hate and I grind my teeth. And then, without warning, I sense a compulsion to shutter those gazing eyes for good. That is my cheerful side... I let you discover, if you want, how my dark side is.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Petula Clark's home telephone number :
315764743 9654974507 6107545260 2212237809 5918653824 3203045933 5932371261 6590244207 5764195980 781614441 293921246 7689790079 3290708091 8874078943 4473656877 6737229133 3291765827 434961591 3262883827 425695438
I dawdled for years before being able to have a short conversation with Petula Clark. The resulting interview was marvelous, like it was written by the spirit of John Steinbeck in his prime. Hence, it was highly untoward, to put it mildly, that my cat by accident (I assume) set my only copy on fire! After I showed vital signs again, I struggled to summon up those stunning words. I want to be frank, I'm not really so certain this web page is an absolutely truly run-down of what transpired during our interview, and so I'm beginning to ask myself if it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.