A talk with R. Kelly
R. Kelly
R. Kelly born January 8th, 1967 (Capricorn)
Due to a catastrophic misjudgement, R. Kelly has subscribed a petition against dolphins (pixabay photo)

How popular are you, on a scale of one to ten?
I forgot the statistics. Probably, I'm a one in Greenland, but a six in Las Vegas.

Can you tell me the square root of 8629077505?
I will not dignify you with an anwser.

Your zodiac sign is Capricorn. Are you a typical Capricorn?
Go get a cat! I'm a little rude, somehow lethargic, yielding and feverish. My friends say that I'm also a bit paradoxical but that I think it is usual in artists.

Who are your heroes?
Otto von Bismarck, Jessica Rabbit, and myself.

If I may ask, do you have any particular fear?
Yes, I do! I have developed an irrational phobia for mechanical typewriters, because of a strange accident happened to my aunt. I'm also terrified by Ouija boards, but that is quite normal.

R.K, how do you invest all the dough you made?
If you have money to invest, I can contact some guys from Russia who can show you how to double your stake. You can give them a photo of your kids as a sign you are on the level.

R.K, have you made plans for the New Year?
Well, I had some issues with my agent, the easiest way out is changing my name, so next year I will be known as "R. Killy".

Some witnesses have seen you in a particular setting with a vip whose name I've not the authorization to tell. Care to comment?
If you mean I.E., then it was a totally inoffensive thing. I deny any other such "situation", expecially one with J.G...

I may have a picture.
You know, the photo has probably appeared spontaneously...

Spontaneously? I do not understand.
Well, probably some casual photons spontaneously produced an utterly random picture in which you erroneously tagged me. For example, given the right conditions, your car or your mother may "spontaneously" take fire. Are we clear now?

Now that I look it better, the photo is quite non-real...

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain R. Kelly's private telephone number :
4587582970 8479324361 250039877 9658477147 8125686823 282490216 5570464546 8191730147 6623880651 9540136043 6398260146 5668585452 681209251 502072849 8986649299 4468928722 247950862 789844190 2279358260 405524413
I queued up forever for the privilege to have a short appointment with R. Kelly. The resulting transcription was stunning, like "Harry Potter" rewritten by Zorro. Thus, it was awfully unfavorable, to put it mildly, that my armadillo (maybe on purpose!) devoured my only copy! After I sobered out, I tried to recall those excellent words. So, to be frank here: I'm not really confident this web page contains a totally accurate report of our rendezvous, and so I'm starting to be uncertain it actually happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.