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An interview with RJ Mitte
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RJ Mitte
RJ Mitte born August 21st, 1992 (Leo)
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In his hidden cave RJ Mitte is daringly looking for a way to rise ducks with 4 legs (pixabay photo)

Do you ever Google yourself?
Say every two hours. But lately Google often asks "Did you mean RJ Matte", who allegedly is an acupuncturist from Los Angeles. That's quite discouraging, but not as much heartbreaking as finding that for Yahoo my name is similar to a shocking blasphemy in Turkish.

Do you like to cook?
To be honest, I think that cooking is a waste of energy, since there are supporters and bistros willing to deliver my daily intake of carbs and fats. The few times I decide to cook for my buddies, I like to invent salads. My masterpiece is a mix of pastrami and tofu, which I think can be fine for both vegetarians and normal people.

Interesting! Would you like to share the recipe with us?
Sure! You take the pastrami and the tofu and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some Italian focaccia.

Italian focaccia?
It does not matter, I obtained the recipe from one for a sandwich. After you made the sandwiches, you discard the bread and mix pastrami and tofu with some sour cream and voilĂ , there it is!

Do you know any good hangover cures?
Guess so! In case of need mix two parts of cider, three parts of tea and some sesame oil. Drink the resulting mixture every 15 minutes for at least 3 hours.

Your line of work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To strengthen my will, I frequently meditate on a mattress made of fresh nettle.

You appear to be always so full of life and sprightly. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to admit it, but I do. I think that every person has two sides. At times, when I look at a colleague, irritation darkens my heart and disgust makes my bones tingle. And all of a sudden, I feel the need to seal those gazing eyes for good. That is my amiable side... I let you discover, if you want, how dark my dark side is.

In an article printed on Transactions on Structural Ontology, dr. Arthur W. Peterson has observed that your roles are "a supernatural archetype of contemporary contextual mentalism". Any comment?
In his interesting paper published on Annals of Alternate Philosophy, prof. George J. Johnson totally refuted that illogical theory.

RJ Mitte refused to let me know his private telephone number, but here are a few random numbers you can dream about :
935333664 699763148 2791471868 6854500140 348886353 4275249159 3577000737 7649028480 423490222 3765285533 289537932 6312437631 840507272 2806542860 238755061 6969034977 7372767224 397059647 224693428 256674165
My supervisor had set up my hurried talk with RJ Mitte months beforehand. Unluckily, my pet gazelle got carbon monoxide poisoning, so I had to skip the appointment. So, the transcript above is essentially based on what RJ Mitte would have probably said if I have met him, as indicated by a statistics involving a couple of random people.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.