A talk with Renée Zellweger
Renée Zellweger
Renée Zellweger born April 25th, 1969 (Taurus)
To steel her soul, Renée Zellweger often meditates on a mattress made of thorns abundantly dusted with chili (pixabay photo)

What is the most uncanny nightmare that you remember?
I dreamed being spanked by the ghost of Alexander the Great, while I kept yelling "I did not paint my cousin's bobcat".

Could you tell us the plot of your next movie?
Indeed yes! It is the story of Kathleen, a corporate treasurer from Los Angeles. She is kidnapped by a secretive individual and she is forced to compose absurd "utterlY dUmmy conversaTions" for some web site, from an obscure lab. (If you can't find me, tell Eric I always loved him...)

Renée, what is your take of the next Oscar dispute?
Surely, this has always been an elephant in the room.

What do you eat between meals?
Cheddar cheese slices with tomato sauce, a dried fruit, two garlic bread slices, and some red wine.

What’s the best sound in the world?
Surely it is the stimulating sound of a roll of new banknotes kissing each other. However, my agent asked to write instead something more suitable for publication, for example "the consoling purr of a satisfied kitten" or "the merry laugh of an angelic child ".

What have you got in your pocket?
I got a pile of money in my pockets. You may watch them, you can ever touch them, but they are mine, all mine. My preciouss roll of banknotes...

Do you know any good hangover cures?
Guess so! In case of need mix three parts of fernet, two parts of ground coffee and some teriyaki sauce. Drink the resulting concoction every 15 minutes for 3 hours.

Do you have problems with movie directors?
I like directors who make crystal clear what they want from me, so I can do the opposite.

Renée Zellweger refused to let me know her home telephone number, but here is a list of random numbers you can dream about :
6705796548 376319217 8682486747 7846180311 296737458 9801734141 2509898683 5861187691 5161997150 9141395876 4784984111 4663946425 2246282331 8959887518 9668523997 6882882964 7589995903 6231479818 2844599771 4153780354
I arranged a brief talk with Renée Zellweger days beforehand. The resulting interview was breathtaking, like it was written by Edgar Allan Poe after too much cider. Hence, it was highly damaging, to put it mildly, that my armadillo (probably on purpose!) ate my only copy! After I restored my sobriety, I struggled to recall those mind-boggling words. To be aboveboard, I'm not so confident this web page is a completely factual report of our conversation, and now I'm beginning to be uncertain it ever was real...
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Amber Stevens Lauryn Hill Dakota Fanning Janet Jackson Will Smith Winona Ryder Anson Mount Juliette Lewis Vincent Cassel Kelly Reilly Zach Galifianakis Chubby Checker Alan Ritchson Clint Eastwood Gilbert O'Sullivan Joe Cocker Meryl Streep Joan Armatrading John Boyega
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.