An interview with Robert Pattinson
Robert Pattinson
Robert Pattinson born May 13th, 1986 (Taurus)
When Robert Pattinson is not acting, his favorite hobby is collecting and trading dummies (pixabay photo)

Did you ever participated in a séance?
Yes! It was a very excruciating experience. Suddenly, the spirit of Martin Luther appeared and established that almost surely I'm the reincarnation of a neighbor of Augustus.

If I may ask, do you have any peculiar phobia?
Yes, I do! I have developed an irrational phobia for dog shaped clouds, after a bizzarre accident occurred to my cousin. I'm also terrified by dark places, but that is quite normal.

If I may ask, how do you invest the money you make?
He said it is a secret, but I invested my fortune in a super-clever scheme devised by a financial guru named C. Panzi, a mastermind of high-yield investment programs (whatever it means). I'll let you know his number, but I wasn't able to reach him in the last few weeks.

What do you think about the future Oscar debate?
Surely, this is a minefield.

Robert, can you share with us a memory of your role in "Twilight"?
Piffle! To cite a classic, the set "was a place of ruin and despair, ruled by an evil bear who smelled of strawberries!".

Robert, are you superstitious?
But of course! I have to wear one indument inside-out before a significant encounter. Clearly not today.

Robert, you are always in fine fettle. How do you do that?
I have embraced the Blue Diet: during the month of March I eat just blue foods, like blueberries, blue corn, robin's eggs and my special Smurf hash.

Are you allergic to anything?
Yes, mainly to whining, hamster milk (don't ask!), and dopamine.

There is no possibility any of these is Robert Pattinson's private telephone number :
3707437301 6437060773 7029723855 8264480338 5829212574 861170086 3245770223 6744846126 395134258 446969072 899751319 9692271938 6613047471 4212860839 7423060604 593386177 9255824256 2217264335 6361490541 5523419102
I arranged a brief interview with Robert Pattinson months beforehand. The resulting article was stunning, like "Slaughterhouse-Five" rewritten by the Green Arrow. It was unfavorable that my doctor shredded my only copy! After I emerged from coma, I made an effort to recapture those fantastic words. Actually, to be straight here: I'm not so certain this web page is a totally accurate run-down of our exchange, and I'm starting to doubt it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.