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A conversation with Roberta Flack
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Roberta Flack
Roberta Flack born February 10th, 1939 (Aquarius)
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Should Roberta Flack give up singing, her second best choice as working career would be professional olive pitter (pixabay photo)

I heard you are just back from a series of concerts in Tibet. How was your stay?
To be frank, I lived 3 full weeks in a Tibetan monastery before I got the idea it was not the Sheraton hotel. Funny thing: I learnt to bilocate, for a couple of seconds.

What motivates you to sing?
Essentially, everybody likes the sound of my voice.

Roberta, do you like cats?
Absolutely no!

Why you do not like cats?
First of all, they stink! And one cat bite my cousin's leg. This is one of the reasons I become a singer, so I may probably reconsider my opinion about cats.

Which is your forthcoming musical venture?
Next week I'll release a vinyl-only experimental recording of eurodance covers of Michael Jackson greatest hits, sung in Armenian, Japanese and Czech. It is so visceral and jet of planetary appeal.

You seem to be always so joyful and effervescent. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I think that each one has two sides. Sometimes, when I look at a so-called artist, my heart grows darker and I grit my teeth. And suddenly, I fight the urge to expunge that loser from my sight and jump on her bleak casket. That is my amiable side... I let you imagine how my dark side is.

On a scale of one to ten, how popular do you think you are?
I dunno. Probably, I'm a three in Iceland, but a nine in Memphis.

Do you have a favorite flag?
Surely the flag of Novistrana, probably because there is my picture in the middle of it. Novistrana is a beautiful but desperate country. They are so needy the national hymn is the Coca-Cola jingle sung backward.

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Roberta Flack's home telephone number is listed here :
5861495678 345942305 3543740750 8419868621 7885550586 9655989184 8630417547 849101076 8425851840 3541172655 2954426973 9098574873 8650870896 2136137134 2104942601 3638670252 9290454253 407743718 427652850 9333748619
Celebrities are frantic people. It's difficult for them to schedule an interview. So we decided to leave Roberta Flack totally alone and to obtain the interview above without disturbing her. Therefore, this web page is an a cybernetic transcription we obtained from a computer simulation of Roberta.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.