A conversation with Rodrigo Santoro
Rodrigo Santoro
Rodrigo Santoro born August 22nd, 1975 (Leo)
Rodrigo Santoro in an ingenious camouflage meant to mislead pestiferous paparazzi (pixabay photo)

Rodrigo, you seem to be always so full of life and positive. Do you also have a dark side?
It's hard to admit it, but I do. I do believe that each of us has a dark side. For example, when I look at a colleague actor, rage darkens my soul and hate makes my bones tingle. And suddenly, I sense an impulse to obliterate his jeering smirk. That is my cheerful side... I let you figure out how dark my dark side is.

Where did you go on your last vacation?
Last year I rented an elegant castle in a secretive valley of Andorra. The rent included a mined drawbridge to ensure my privacy but also a crew of extras acting like shutterbugs.

Could you improvise a song for us.
Yep! Here it is

Everthing you took away
You took away the lust,
you took your love away from me.
A scarf, a pen forgotten in a drawer
my only memories of you.
You took away all that I had,
all that counts you took away,
so how come your uncle is here to stay?

Rodrigo, which is your trick to achieve perpetual youth?
Curiously, it is a bath in lukewarm jello once a week.

I've heard you are about to publish a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The details on my forthcoming book will soon be printed in the book itself. What I can divulge now is that it will be a guide to choosing wallpaper, a monumental work soon to be released in daily instalments.

Rodrigo, do you have something to say to young people?
Why not! Scientific studies have showed that smoking everything you can put your hands on may have uncool repercussions, like loss of nostrils or death. But now you can stop being frightened! Buy "Rodrigo's sensation", now with Hemicorax scabiosa powder. Just $19.99 for 120 tablets. (Note : Not actually a drug. It usually may cause osteoporosis or induce paranoia. Cholesterol-free. It may contain traces of soybean and tar).

My informants told me you are just back from a filming location in Tibet. How was your stay?
Actually, I spent 3 weeks in a Tibetan monastery before I saw daylight and realized it was not the Hilton hotel. The silver lining? I learnt telekinesis 101.

Could you tell us something about your future project?
I'm on the set of the remake of "Seven Pounds", a timeless classic whose relevance has not been fully recognized by critics.

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Rodrigo Santoro's private telephone number :
3611244871 6302265047 7271562627 6226917474 9430965725 8842771892 652102375 3328400899 7415979443 7417712476 7905408615 6243613917 3702278569 9025944317 6252072723 7299713795 4738290329 2799842727 2098664067 2373247232
To be honest, my chief had lined up my brief appointment with Rodrigo Santoro months beforehand. Unfortunately, I realized I had better things to do, like collecting light bulbs or breeding earthworms. So, the transcript above is essentially the impression of a nightmare that ensued after a large dinner based on beans and wild boar stew.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.