An interview with Rupert Grint
Rupert Grint
Rupert Grint born August 24th, 1988 (Virgo)
On account of a bizzarre accident occurred to his aunt, Rupert Grint has developed an irrational phobia for zombies and a rational one for porcelain dolls (pixabay photo)

Could you improvise a song for us.
Definitely! Here it is

The rabbit of despair
The gray rabbit of despair
gorges on the misty meadows of emptiness
while I stare at the madness of this planet.
If only it had been the pork of despair
I could have bacon at least.

You seem to be always so chirpy and joyful. Do you also have a dark side?
It's hard to admit it, but I do. I truly believe that each and every one has two sides. At times, when I face another actor, I shiver with hatred and I grind my teeth. And suddenly, I fight the need to expunge that loser from my sight and tap dance on his icy tomb. That is my amiable side... I let you imagine how dark my dark side is.

I heard that you will soon be busy with a charity marathon. Care to tell us why'd you decide to undertake such a humiliating effort?
I had to. Because of the astral conjunction, you know.

And since when did you feel an urge to fight jaundice?
Since I was a little boy, and my parents would argue about it.

Could you suggest a remedy for haemorrhoids?
Yes, in case of haemorrhoids, mix two parts of white wine, one part of mineral water and some ranch dressing. Guzzle this mixture every 10 minutes for 2 hours.

Rupert, are you superstitious?
Oh yes! I swear in Klingonese before a significant encounter. Obviously not this one.

You are always fit. Which is your secret?
I have embraced the Blue Diet: during the month of June I eat nothing but blue foods, like blueberries, robin's eggs, blue potatoes and naturally deceased blue jays.

Are you allergic to anything?
Yes, mainly to stupidity, koala tears (don't ask!), and asbestos.

There is no possibility any of these is Rupert Grint's secret telephone number :
549742098 2668190490 3938020296 4151277662 6679188031 515151550 5846005785 4164630000 3060893264 699185640 9577605708 4068995995 4372810320 6732517919 5468393142 4121352085 2327479784 3791987608 226072860 9504142784
I patiently sat tight for years for an occasion to have a little exchange with Rupert Grint. The resulting interview was awesome, like it was written by Shakespeare at his best. So, it was awfully unfortunate that another inmate by accident (I assume) ate my only copy! After I un-fainted, I struggled to recollect those mind-boggling words. I want to be aboveboard, I'm not one hundred percent certain this web page contains an entirely genuine report of our interview, and now I'm beginning to ask myself if it actually was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.