A talk with Saoirse Ronan
Saoirse Ronan
Saoirse Ronan born April 12th, 1994 (Aries)
In her will, Saoirse Ronan has specified that her body should be buried under a pyramid (pixabay photo)

If I may say so, Saoirse, you are well known for your unconventional demands when staying in hotels. Can you explain us why and maybe make an example of something you may ask?
Everybody should learn that Saoirse needs what Saoirse needs, and she always gets it. Whether it's Belarusian roses or silver-plated potpourri.

Do you know Michelle Brooks (a former electrical linesworker, now a sports umpire) from High Point?
Not personally, but my uncle has been briefly engaged to her. Then there was a public embarrassment about some kinky photographs sent by phone to the wrong people, so their engagement came to a quick end.

Do you know any good hangover cures?
I'm too young to revel in spirits. However, my cousin in case of need uses a mixture made of two parts of rum, one part of lemonade and some Alfredo sauce.

Have you ever participated in a séance?
Yes, just once. It was a very tormented experience. Suddenly, the ghost of John Maynard Keynes manifested and conjectured that I'm the reincarnation of a Thomas Aquinas' homonym.

Saoirse, are you superstitious?
Yup! I have to drink something red before an important event.

Can you tell me the square root of 732672703?
I could tell you, but then I'd have to annihilate you.

Which brand of toilet paper do you use?
Since I have discovered ecology, I can't stand commercial brands. My personal toilet paper is obtained from Petalospia lacera, a very scarce black poppy that only grows in Bhutan.

I've heard you are about to publish a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The details on my forthcoming book will soon be published in another book. What I can divulge here is that it will be my unauthorized autobiography. It will be tattoed on backs and foreheads of 900 volunteers that will be released in Colorado Springs as in a flash mob.

There is no possibility any of these is Saoirse Ronan's secret telephone number :
929541398 514672949 548355578 9899504308 8445795071 7200298681 4192770809 5110645030 3307433962 8811862330 3625270133 667166901 5937230167 787070675 2393503553 876846583 975545095 9399581638 8667064261 7751988062
To be frank, my director had patiently lined up my hurried exchange with Saoirse Ronan several weeks beforehand. Regrettably, I decided at the last moment that I had better things to do, like breeding snails or collecting feathers. So, the transcript above is essentially based on what Saoirse Ronan would have probably said if I have met her, as suggested by a statistics involving a couple of random people.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.