A talk with Sean Connery
Sean Connery
Sean Connery born August 25th, 1930 (Virgo)
To make his ego stronger, Sean Connery often rests on a bed made of poison ivy (pixabay photo)

Have you ever participated in a séance?
Absolutely! But just once. It was a tormented experience. Suddenly, the spirit of Rene Descartes manifested and determined that I'm the reincarnation of a Euclid's cousin.

Sean, what do you think about the future Oscar shitstorm?
Frankly, this is a minefield.

Are you aware of the rumors about you and the pillow appearing in your last movie?
Stap my vitals! How did you find out!? No comment.

What motivates you to act?
I hear a voice that motivates me. Her name is Jessica. I'm sorry, but Jessica says you are an idiot.

If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
Surely Doctor Who.

Not to offend you, but you know that that's not a real person, don't you?
Not to offend YOU, but it IS real, I saw it in a movie.

Do you know any good hangover cures?
Of course! Here it is my fantastic cure. In case of need mix three parts of white wine, one part of tea and some olive oil. Gargle with the resulting potion every 25 minutes for at least 2 hours.

Could you improvise a poem for us.
Maybe! Here it is

Everthing you took away
You took away your love,
you took the emotions away from me.
A pen, a comb alone in a drawer
the desolate remnants of you.
You took yourself away from me,
everything I care you took away,
so how come your mother is here to stay?

There is no possibility any of these is Sean Connery's secret telephone number :
2291860973 5148541271 9606256193 8730087894 8185641019 545128024 4381283034 552538216 7032472947 3898733509 710233547 752794563 9994016782 8913781531 5214383675 5863828632 4403034962 3732177998 7160860451 6929017227
To be frank, my boss had lined up my meeting with Sean Connery several weeks beforehand. Regrettably, I fall asleep watching a rerun of "Parting Shots". So, the transcript above is essentially the elaboration of a nightmare I had after a generous dinner of beans and deep-fried bell peppers.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.