An interview with Selena Gomez
Selena Gomez
Selena Gomez born July 22nd, 1992 (Cancer)
Gary H. Fisher, the new Selena Gomez's head of security, is constantly testing alternative methods to repel stalkers and vexing paparazzi (source)

Your zodiac sign is Cancer. Are you a typical Cancer?
Hell yeah! I'm a little irritable, somehow lethargic, opinionated and imperturbable. My relatives say that I'm also a little paradoxical but that I think it is common in artists.

As everybody knows, the problem of carbon monoxide poisoning in wombats is attaining epic dimensions. Are you doing something to solve the problem?
Might as well! I will chastely sleep in a bunk bed with a fan one night a week. The profits ($1,000 per night) will be granted to an organization for the cure of carbon monoxide poisoning in wombats.

If I may say so, Selena, you are also well known for your singular requests when staying in hotels. Could you tell us why and maybe make an example of something you may ask?
Selena needs what Selena needs, and she generally gets it. Whether it's spicy cotton-candy or baobab bark.

What do you have in your pockets?
I got a heap of money in my pockets. You may stare at them, you can ever lick them, but they are mine, all mine. My preciouss roll of notes...

Do you know Henry E. Brooks (a former school principal, now a diving instructor) from Newark?
Not personally, but my cousin has been engaged to him for 3 weeks. Then there was a rumor about the bizarre suicide of a former lover, so their engagement came to a sudden finale.

If I may ask, do you have any peculiar phobia?
Will do! I have acquired an unreasonable phobia for butterflies, after a freak accident happened to my aunt. I'm also terrified by Ouija boards, but that is quite normal.

What do you eat between meals?
Bread rolls with pickles, a flour grain, four steaks, and some tea.

Could you improvise a lyric for us.
Yep! Here it is

Everthing you took away
You took away the emotions,
you took the respect away from me.
A photo, a pen forgotten in a drawer
the only sings of you.
You took yourself away from me,
everything you took away,
so how come your cousin is here to stay?

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Selena Gomez's home telephone number :
7908610819 402185935 315156659 2760422124 9916580619 4105151092 245162076 8564815827 6357926978 7049130997 3288127182 626436441 4203153706 353508734 6057507196 9661708634 7842926960 802488831 3368088136 6999668422
I have a confession to make. My director had patiently planned my hurried meeting with Selena Gomez several months beforehand. Unfortunately, I decided I had more interesting things to do, like collecting horseshoes or growing weeds. So, the transcript above is essentially the impression of a dream I had after a large dinner based on cabbage stew and salami.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.