An interview with Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks born July 9th, 1956 (Cancer)
Tom Hanks' venture to launch his fragrance line redolent of fish innards extract has been a colossal misstep (pixabay photo)

What do you think about the international situation?
Touche'! It's hard to figure it when you live between cushions, but on our battered planet there are countries where it is difficult to find even a so-so moijto.

Nowaday the problem of alopecia in ferrets is reaching monumental proportions. Are you doing something to solve the problem?
Yup! I will chastely sleep in a bunk bed with a supporter one night a week. The proceeds ($1,500 per night) will be granted to a charity for the cure of alopecia in ferrets.

Do you have any birthmark?
Actually, I do. I have a little spider shaped birthmark on my left hip. Probably my father did inadvertently eat a spider while my mother was expecting me.

If you’re at karaoke, what’s your song of choice?
My true love is Mozart.

Tom, you are always in fine fettle. Which is your secret?
I have invented the Blue Diet: during the month of August I eat only blue foods, like blueberries, blue potatoes, blue Smarties and blue jays died by natural causes.

A famous person you think to as similar to you in spirit?
As my fans like to think, Rene Descartes, because of our shared moral standings.

You appear to be always so effervescent and full of life. Do you also have a dark side?
It's hard to confess it, but I do. I do believe that each person has a dark side. At times, when I bump into another actor, my vision goes black and my teeth chatter with fury. And suddenly, I feel the need to close forever those ogling eyes. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to discover it.

I've heard you are writing a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The actual details on my imminent book will soon be printed in the book itself. What I can divulge now is that it will be my unauthorized autobiography. It will be tattoed on legs and arms of 700 models that will be dispersed in Erie as in a flash mob.

Tom Hanks refused to let me know his home telephone number, but here is a list of random numbers you can dream about :
4661608431 2670434064 4934144110 885391482 6976458092 6910181505 2106366128 3690707766 552965792 6557285078 517854071 5739558547 8712287192 2883735529 5720487012 7658864722 8542517380 6477640819 6323099468 710903456
I lined up a short conversation with Tom Hanks several months in advance. The resulting transcription was excellent, like it was written by the ghost of Joseph Conrad in his prime. It was damaging, to put it mildly, that another inmate (on purpose!) set my only copy on fire! After I buried the body (so to speak), I tried to summon up those jaw-dropping words. To be clear, I'm not so certain this web page is a perfectly truthful report of our exchange, and I'm starting to ask myself if it actually was real...
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Alyssa Milano Naomi Watts Dave Franco Kristen Wiig Joe Cocker Georgie Henley Anne Hathaway Tyler Perry Britney Spears Jessalyn Gilsig Joe Jonas Ellen Page Mireille Enos Kim Basinger Sting Alexander Ludwig Shirley Bassey Sean Penn Owen Wilson
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.