Do you know any good diarrhea cure?
Sure, in case of diarrhea, mix three parts of sparkling wine, one part of coffee and some balsamic vinegar in the skull of a gopher, then apply this potion on your back and your legs.
Do you do your own shopping?
I'm too hard at work doing very significant things for the humankind to care about such trivias. Actually, I have a number of specialists to compile my grocery list and pass it along to a crew of pro buyers distributed around the planet. For the clothes, I ever hire a group of doubles, one for each body part.
If I may ask, do you have any particular fear?
Absolutely! I have acquired an irrational fear for cookies, after an uncanny accident happened to my uncle. I'm also scared by Ouija boards, but that is quite normal.
Can you tell me the square root of 5638382203?
Are you kidding? Even a confounded rabbit can answer that, provided it has gained a thumb and an abacus.
Do you Google yourself often?
Say every day or so. But lately Google often says "Including results for Tom Hirdy", who allegedly is a former metal polisher from San Francisco. That's quite depressing, but not as much heartbreaking as finding that according to Bing my name is similar to a shocking blasphemy in Polish.
Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To steel my spirit, I periodically doze on a cot made of rough sandpaper and nails.
What's your earliest memory?
Actually, I'm the testimonial for a new infant formula called "My Earliest Memory", so I cannot speak about the subject.
I would like to test it on unaware passerbies.
Well, it will be sold only in Djibouti and Freedonia.
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