A conversation with Tom Waits
Tom Waits
Tom Waits born December 7th, 1949 (Sagittarius)
As a kid Tom Waits showed a bizarre attraction to exotic food like fried frog legs and escargot (pixabay photo)

When you were a little boy, did you see yourself as a professional singer?
Yes, even though it was my second choice. First one was king of the World. Or maybe pharmacist, I could never decide.

Should you give up singing, which kind of occupation would you choose?
Probably that of professional sand castle builder. I already have some experience in that field.

Tom, if I may ask, how do you invest the considerable fortune you made?
I'm not supposed to tell anybody, but I invested quite a bunch of money in a super-clever scheme invented by a financial guru named Charlie Panzi, a mastermind of offshore investments (whatever it means). I will give you his phone, but he has been incommunicado in the last weeks.

Which is your forthcoming musical experiment?
Next month I'll release a vinyl-only cryptic recording of trip hop covers of Frank Sinatra greatest hits, sung in Bosnian, Chinese and Japanese. I believe it will be the masterpiece of my career.

A famous person you think to as a part of your life?
Probably Gollum, because of our awesomeness.

Tom, what’s your biggest defect?
Well, sometimes if I chomp tobacco and suddenly I need to free my mouth I'm not that finicky about where I deposit the residues: it may be a washbasin but also an urn.

Have you made resolutions for the New Year?
My plan is to obtain a license for operating my hovercraft.

Could you suggest a remedy for flu?
Sure, in case of flu, mix three parts of champagne, two parts of lemonade and some dill. Guzzle the resulting concoction every 20 minutes for 4 hours.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Tom Waits' secret telephone number :
3638247832 9409868434 699727866 6324300556 9626393613 728330965 8252898034 720615639 205480483 9734764817 8170684660 2886487723 2582361720 951932706 642220137 868796731 4971694604 4548396875 7491960467 8562380796
My boss had scheduled my little talk with Tom Waits several days beforehand. Unfortunately, I decided I had better things to do, like grooming my pet hamster or breeding newts. So, the interview above is mainly the impression of a nightmare I had after a copious dinner of raw onions and beans.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.