A conversation with Vanessa Carlton
Vanessa Carlton
Vanessa Carlton born August 16th, 1980 (Leo)
The next release from Vanessa Carlton will be a vinyl-only album of acid jazz covers of Frank Sinatra greatest hits, sung in Maori, Danish and Japanese (pixabay photo)

I'm here today with Vanessa Carlton, who just made her way through her last album. Hi, Vanessa, and welcome to Celebrities Are Better Than You.
I say it was about time you folks invited me. I saw Dave Bautista the other day and, honestly, I did not like it.

Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To make my character tougher, I periodically sleep on a mattress made of barbed wire abundantly dusted with salt.

On a scale of one to ten, how popular are you?
I forgot the statistics. I think I'm a two in Tucson, but a ten in Nepal.

Vanessa, you appear to be always so chirpy and lively. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I really believe that everybody has a dark side. At times, when I face another singer, hatred makes my bones quiver and my sight dims. And all of a sudden, I experience a compulsion to seal those leering eyes for good. That is my amiable side... I let you discover, if you want, how my dark side is.

If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
I'd have to say Rambo.

You know that that's not a real person, right?
I want to call my agent.

Do you do your own shopping?
Nah! Usually, I have a crew of Georgia Tech dropouts to elaborate my grocery list and texting it to a number of professional buyers around the world. For the garnments, I ever hire a crew of stand-in, one for each body part.

My informants told me you are just back from a series of concerts in Tibet. How was your stay?
Actually, I lived 2 full weeks in a Tibetan monastery before realizing it was not the Best Western hotel. On the bright side, I learnt to bilocate, for a couple of seconds.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Vanessa Carlton's secret telephone number :
8512454323 8825475981 6155249112 3821965761 722193740 8828236588 9770692796 5208742709 7028900594 626668405 3635080262 4415171062 726207809 203306780 2633364755 960289660 6101595710 274998805 5046839247 867177582
I have a confession to make. My supervisor had arranged my little conversation with Vanessa Carlton several days beforehand. Unfortunately, my pet gopher got legionellosis, so I had to skip the talk. So, this web page is essentially the elaboration of a dream I had after a generous dinner based on cabbage stew and salami.
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Dwayne Johnson Jonathan Groff Matt Smith Hayden Panettiere Erykah Badu Michelle Trachtenberg Jennifer Garner Frances Conroy Sienna Miller Steve Buscemi Sam Rockwell Drew Barrymore Ian McShane Hugh Jackman Eliza Dushku Josh Brolin Billie Piper Minnie Riperton Matthew McConaughey
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.