I'm here today with Vanessa Carlton, who just made her way through her last album. Hi, Vanessa, and welcome to Celebrities Are Better Than You.
I say it was about time you folks invited me. I saw Dave Bautista the other day and, honestly, I did not like it.
Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To make my character tougher, I periodically sleep on a mattress made of barbed wire abundantly dusted with salt.
On a scale of one to ten, how popular are you?
I forgot the statistics. I think I'm a two in Tucson, but a ten in Nepal.
Vanessa, you appear to be always so chirpy and lively. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I really believe that everybody has a dark side. At times, when I face another singer, hatred makes my bones quiver and my sight dims. And all of a sudden, I experience a compulsion to seal those leering eyes for good. That is my amiable side... I let you discover, if you want, how my dark side is.
If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
I'd have to say Rambo.
You know that that's not a real person, right?
I want to call my agent.
Do you do your own shopping?
Nah! Usually, I have a crew of Georgia Tech dropouts to elaborate my grocery list and texting it to a number of professional buyers around the world. For the garnments, I ever hire a crew of stand-in, one for each body part.
My informants told me you are just back from a series of concerts in Tibet. How was your stay?
Actually, I lived 2 full weeks in a Tibetan monastery before realizing it was not the Best Western hotel. On the bright side, I learnt to bilocate, for a couple of seconds.
• e-mail: yutmeyut -at- gmail.com • Disclaimer & Privacy •