A conversation with Viggo Mortensen
Viggo Mortensen
Viggo Mortensen born October 20th, 1958 (Libra)
Viggo Mortensen's favorite pastime is collecting and trading old door knobs and door handles (pixabay photo)

We are here tonight with Viggo Mortensen, who just saw the birth of his last movie. Hi, Viggo, and welcome to An Afternoon With Somebody.
It's a pleasure being here, your pleasure.

Is there something you would like to do right now?
Yes! Watch my favorite reality eating hotdogs.

Is there a deep moral hidden in "A History of Violence"?
Yes, that there's no place like home.

I've heard you are writing a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The details on my forthcoming book will soon be published in the book itself. What I can divulge now is that it will be a guide to choosing wallpaper. It will be tattoed on legs and backs of 1,000 models that will be set loose in Anaheim as in a flash mob.

Do you have any birthmark?
I have a tiny gerbil shaped birthmark on my left leg. Probably my mother did accidentally eat a gerbil while she was pregnant.

Viggo, are you superstitious?
I think I will! I have to shake 3 times a little bag with my baby teeths before a critical interview.

What do you eat between meals?
Pears with balsamic vinegar, a cheddar cheese slice, four pineapples, and a glass of gin.

What’s the best sound in the world?
It is the calming swish of a roll of new banknotes touching each other. However, my agent urges you to write instead something more crowd-pleasing, for example "the first 'dad' of your kid" or "the cheery laugh of an angelic kid ".

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Viggo Mortensen's secret telephone number :
3495777712 383851048 693563508 9625755764 668747161 6951224058 2610969319 2279882374 5698632408 8600973487 5876815820 4086766077 4596385449 3683196832 344201036 465687491 5878823584 8935278867 5799670844 5321134606
To be honest, my supervisor had set up my hurried exchange with Viggo Mortensen many days beforehand. Unfortunately, my pet prairie dog got legionellosis, so I had to skip the conversation. So, the transcript above is essentially the impression of a dream that ensued after a large dinner based on raw broccoli and deep-fried bell peppers.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.