A talk with Vin Diesel
Vin Diesel
Vin Diesel born July 18th, 1967 (Cancer)
In his concealed vault Vin Diesel is boldly searching a cure for argyria in koalas (pixabay photo)

If I may ask, do you have any peculiar fear?
Hell yeah! I have acquired an unreasonable fear for Teddy bears, due to a curious accident occurred to my aunt. I'm also scared by roller coasters, but that is quite common.

When you were a little boy, did you see yourself as a professional actor?
Really? I did not. My imaginary friend and I decided that I would have become a cab driver. But, you know, sometimes you've got to start from the bottom.

Do you like to cook?
To be honest, I believe that cooking is a huge waste of time. After all, there are fast food joints and cafeterias willing to deliver my daily dose of sugars and vitamines. In the few occasions I cook for my disciples, I like to create salads. My cornerstone is a mix of sausages and bean sprouts, which I assume can be cool for both vegetarians and normal people.

Intriguing! Would you like to share the recipe with us?
Jawohl! You take the sausages and the bean sprouts and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some Italian focaccia.

Italian focaccia?
It does not matter, my recipe comes from one for sandwiches. So you make those sandwiches, then you dispose of the bread and mix sausages and bean sprouts with some ketchup and you are done!

Where did you go on your last holiday?
Last year I rented an exquisite villa on the secretive hills of Serbia. The payment included a moat around the villa to ensure my privacy but also a horde of extras portraying devotees to let me feel at home.

Do you have a favorite book?
I'm crazy about "Catch-22" by Joseph Teller.

You mean, by Joseph Heller?
I'm not used to be corrected by ugly people, and anyway I've heard it both ways.

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Vin Diesel's home telephone number :
7994028860 2175638491 4247177009 6099977368 800743831 9302451797 5878477382 5050839091 3433682055 6461518602 749419430 4178656055 4347349659 835004386 2907450836 7774610249 7230902314 7074960929 5004285332 938581424
My chief had patiently arranged my brief talk with Vin Diesel many days beforehand. Unluckily, I decided at the last moment that I had more interesting things to do, like walking my pet gerbil or breeding snails. So, the interview above is mainly the recollection of a nightmare I had following a generous dinner based on deep-fried Mars bars and liver sausages.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.