Who were you in your first school play?
It was a play on the life of Dante Alighieri. I played Captain America until somebody got smart.
What is the most uncanny nightmare you remember?
I dreamed being blamed by a Kurt Vonnegut impersonator, while I kept repeating "I did not eat my aunt's gnu".
Is there something you would like to do right now?
Quite. Take a shower to forget the stench of born loser you emanate.
I read that you will soon be busy with a charity eating marathon. Would you tell us why'd you decide to undertake such a titanic effort?
I had to. Because of the astral conjunction, you know.
And since when did you feel an urge to fight albinism?
Oh, since always.
Do you know Carol Hall (a former sugar cane grower, now a probation officer) from Philadelphia?
No, I don't, but my cousin has been engaged to her for 3 weeks. Then there was some commotion about some licentious selfies sent by phone to the wrong people, so their engagement came to a quick end.
Did you ever participated in a séance?
For certain! But just once. It was an extremely unsettling experience. Suddenly, the ghost of Queen Victoria manifested and determined that I'm probably the reincarnation of a neighbor of Kurt Vonnegut.
Are you aware of the rumors about you and the ocelot appearing in your last movie?
Fair enough! How did you people find out!? It wasn't my fault, and whatever buzz you heard about it has been overemphasized by the media.
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