We are here tonight with a special guest, Will Smith, who just survived the mammoth task of his last movie. Hi, Will, and welcome to Tales Of The Well-Known.
Good evening to you, and thank you for calling me.
If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
In my dreams it is an anteater. A large, fat, quiet anteater, glutted and heavy-eyed in the summer shade.
If you could choose a someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
Surely Richard Wagner.
If you didn't grow up to become known as the actor Will Smith, what do you think you would have done?
I would have gone to a film production company and rang their doorbell until they gave me a job.
Do you have a favorite brand of toilet paper?
Imho, common brands are for common people. My toilet paper is obtained from Potacisaria megacarpa, a very scarce green rose that only grows in Tibet.
Do you have any new tattoos?
Yes! I have a brown armadillo on my belly. It is glowing in the dark, so I can be find if I get lost in a storm of snow, but unfortunately it works only if I'm somehow disrobed.
Will, you seem to be always so cheerful and sunny. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to confess it, but I do. I believe that each one has a dark side. Sometimes, when I face a colleague, my sight fades out and I grit my teeth. And then, without warning, I fight the urge to seal those lecherous eyes for good. That is my sunny side... I let you figure out how dark my dark side is.
As everybody knows, the problem of mononucleosis in hedgehogs is attaining epic dimensions. Is Will Smith doing anything in this respect?
Indeed! I will platonically sleep in a bunk bed with a devotee one night a week. The proceeds ($900 per night) will be donated to a foundation for the cure of mononucleosis in hedgehogs.
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