A talk with Winona Ryder
Winona Ryder
Winona Ryder born October 29th, 1971 (Scorpio)
Few people know that Winona Ryder has requested a patent for a caviar-propelled car engine. (source)

Do you ever Google yourself?
Not so often. Say every three hours. But lately Google often asks "Did you mean Winona Reder", who turns out to be a former conveyancer from Austin. That's quite annoying, but not as much embarassing as finding that for Yahoo my name sounds like a terrible blasphemy in Yiddish.

Do you have any new tattoos?
Yes! I have a black earthworm on my foot. It is radioactive, so I can be find if I get lost in a storm of snow, but unfortunately it works only if I'm somehow undressed.

If you could choose an animal to reincarnate in, which one would it be?
I'd have to say an ocelot.

Your zodiac sign is Scorpio. May I read you your horoscope?
OK, but I'm a bit partial regarding zodiacal rubbish.

You have amassed a lot of disgruntlement inside that can burst at any moment. You will get rid of this state only if you absolve or kill somebody who has angered you in the past.
Nice one! You are dead on!

Can you tell me the square root of 3084507409?
Even a confounded jackal can answer that, provided it has gained a thumb and an abacus.

You appear to be always so cheerful and joyful. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I think that every person has two sides. At times, when I bump into a so-called artist, my vision fades out and disgust makes my legs give out. And then, without warning, I fight the need to eradicate that fool from the earth and pirouette on her cold grave. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to know about that side.

You are always in tip-top condition. How do you do that?
I have devised the Blue Diet: during the month of November I eat nothing but blue foods, like blueberries, blue corn, blue potatoes and blue jays died by natural causes.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Winona Ryder's home telephone number :
3762054738 4635419450 7621557635 4917627523 4825781146 2054767422 2539729983 8390886083 2982358076 531331423 7287979040 2282794004 781497122 9378985014 898372451 3186425841 252578094 3364201431 9634638684 2728376845
My conversation with Winona Ryder has been patiently scheduled weeks in advance. The resulting piece was awesome, like it was written by Isaac Asimov after too much vodka. It was disastrous that another inmate (maybe on purpose!) ate my only copy! After I took my medications, I tried to remember those amazing words. So, to be aboveboard here: I'm not really so sure this web page is a completely genuine report of what transpired during our meeting, and thus I'm starting to ask myself if it actually happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.