A conversation with Zayn Malik
Zayn Malik
Zayn Malik born January 12th, 1993 (Capricorn)
As a kid Zayn Malik showed an untoward attraction to exotic food like fried frog legs and wasabi (pixabay photo)

Your zodiac sign is Capricorn. Are you a typical Capricorn?
Yup! I'm sometimes unfriendly, quite lively, opinionated and tolerant. My friends say that I'm also a bit contradictory but that I think it is common in artists.

Zayn, have you made plans for the New Year?
My resolution is to obtain soon a special license for navigating my submarine.

Have you ever participated in a séance?
Yep, just once. It was an excruciating experience. At a certain point, the spirit of Max Planck appeared and certified that almost surely I'm the reincarnation of a neighbor of James Cook.

I've heard you are about to publish a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The actual details on my imminent book will soon be printed in the book itself. What I can say here is that it will be a guide to choosing rubber bands. It will be tattoed on foreheads and legs of 700 fans that will be set loose in Salt Lake City.

Could you improvise a lyric for us.
Sure! Here it is

The dog of misery
The white dog of misery
sleeps on the muddy mountains of insanity
while I stare at the madness of my existence.
If only it had been the boar of misery
I could have bacon at least.

Zayn, should you give up singing, which career would you choose?
Probably that of professional sand castle builder. I already have quite an experience in that field.

What's your favorite vice?
I watch catz videos on YouTube. Well, probably you are going to criticize me for that, but another vice of mine is I couldn't care less.

If you could choose a someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
Without doubt Jean-Jacques Rousseau.

Zayn Malik refused to share his home telephone number, but here are a few random numbers you can dream about :
3162827477 2519772321 720848330 493418953 896836241 847543028 8806828983 4793896021 8411357449 299453200 942391084 6464663775 9779940687 3649260108 9370014946 5280991052 455127319 2855452033 8361361868 9772242029
To be sincere, my boss had scheduled my little appointment with Zayn Malik several weeks beforehand. Unluckily, my pet hamster got irritable bowel syndrome, so I had to skip the interview. So, the transcript above is essentially based on what Zayn Malik would have probably said if I have met him, as suggested by a statistics involving a couple of random people.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.